As always confused..

It's been a month n i hv still not got any job in my own city. sumtimes i feel city which i call is mine has no place for me. i m too lazy for it. but last few weeks has made me think wat actually i want from myself. till now my life has been so driven by competition that i no longer can feel wat i want.

do i want job? or i want to study? or i want to do nothing...........

its too late but i think the year off which i want to take three years ago, i'll have to take it. i simply cant believe wat i have done to my life. dont wanna be so lost.

Direction Less

I am quit direction less today about my blog. I m actually direction less individual. U think that is because i m running towards all directions at once. Cluttered thinking. Cant focus on one thing. But today i dont want to talk bout me my mind etc. I m afraid of making judgments on our surroundings n all. I dont like to view negative things around me as it becomes difficult for me later on to ignore them and do normal things. 
Thus, i am again using this platform to overcome my weakness n fear regarding being too particular about things. To start with i have decided to explore city in which i m living. I'll try to look at different facades of this City called "PINK CITY", capital of state of Rajasthan JAIPUR. Its like any other normal city of India. Sprawling at gr8 pace, over crowded (but y overcrowded?), weak infrastructure, educational hub, Administrative hub n all. N most of all it has history that makes it more Indian. History of Rajasthan, history of Rajputs. History in Walled city, in Amer, history in Forts scattered all around the city with different stories. My mission (impossible) would be to see this city's different colors and show them to you. Explore it and understand it.
I am a planner so may be i would end up giving lots of planning errors i see around daily.
I would have started today itself but i m not able to transfer pix from my my cell to my lappy via Bluetooth. I dont know wats d prb. But as soon as i successfully transfer the pix, i'll start my tour n hope i will have tourists around with me :)
Till then have a nice time :)

Search to explore

Last night it occurred to me that name of my blog cant be search coz i dont know wat i m looking for. "Explore" suits it better than " Search" for my blog title. I can't push my self to define things or make them clear. may be i like foggy environs. I never liked to learn subjects from my best capabilities as i always lost my interest in things if i excelled "it". i have succeeded in most of my attempts. but i have always loved to excel  in............. :). Should i say it. didn't u guessed it till now?

Being Lazy dr

ok before i go on let me tell u difference between Search and Explore (www.askoxford.com)

search

  • verb 1 try to find something by looking or otherwise seeking carefully and thoroughly. 2 examine (a place, vehicle, or person) thoroughly in order to find something or someone. 3 searching investigating very deeply: searching questions.

  • noun an act of searching.

  — PHRASES search me! informal I do not know.

  — DERIVATIVES searchable adjective searcher noun.

  — ORIGIN Old French cerchier, from Latin circare ‘go round’.

explore

  • verb 1 travel through (an unfamiliar area) in order to learn about it. 2 inquire into or discuss in detail. 3 evaluate (a new option or possibility). 4 examine or scrutinize by searching through or touching.

  — DERIVATIVES exploration noun explorative adjective exploratory adjective explorer noun.

  — ORIGIN Latin explorare ‘search out’, from plorare ‘utter a cry’.

So now i have decided to change my blog name from Search to Explore. Coz i would define my self better as a explorer than a explorer. I don't know wat i m looking for but i just love learning things without any intent to excel them or use them any where in my life any time. I just want to lear things without nay reason or goal. Wanna learn them n move ahead to lay around and to look for new things that i can learn.

But now as i have moved to next level of my life and has started earning, i m afraid about life. How can i lead this nomad life further. I got to earn n lead a life of my own. i cant be supported. i need to be independent. not only that i m supposed to be but thats wat i want to be but i also want to be nomad. my hunger to learn. just learn not remember or use it. hmm.....

but it forces me to think that life cant be lead like this. but wat shall i do now. i fell torn into two different directions. 

I am sure direction less, but is it a bad? y is it so, y things or situations r termed as bad or good? its subjective then y every1 cares about wat society will think? wat does Independence mean? Only Financial? i crave for Social Independence. yes India has got independence Long time back in August 15, 1947. but i still feel trapped. i see citizens and Population of India trapped. Trapped in illusions created by brilliant but corrupt minds. Illusion of Independence, illusion of Freedom, Illusion of Development and on and on.............

can it be broken comes later. first thing is Shall it be broken? 

okay now i think i have got sum thing to wright in my next blog. lets c how does it go on? tell me about his one :)

Have a nice day all of You :)

my entry into Blog world

Hi!

I am here to keep a regular post of my views n aspirations. You may ask where did it came from "regular post of my views n aspiration".. who i am? & why my views matter? well they do n don't? its up to you. I am here to put my views forward in front of everyone n don't be afraid that some1 else except me knows wat I think. I m here to overcome my fear/s n sort my thinking and to know wat others think bout them.

Views r subjective. thus, i m apologizing in the beginning of this journey that if i hurt any1s sentiments..... plz forgive me. Here i would also like to say that i'll try to put my views as politely as possible but these limits may vary within huge population Internet has :)

I have set of dreams which I m running after. For few i m trying harder than others. I'll seek your services from time to time to know  m i heading towardz any direction........

As a last line before saying asta-vil-ista lets pray for the people of Haiti, for all those who lost their loved once in this natural calamity.

Good Bye n Be God Be With You.